How Far Along

Today is 01/21/09 so we must have been about eleven weeks along on Wednesday, January 7 th and at that time I weighed about 271 pounds and please keep in mind that my drivers license says I'm 225 pounds, the OB/GYN said that I cannot gain more 15 pounds during the whole pregnancy and that was at 264 lbs on December 17 th. At this rate I will gain 90 lbs. during her whole pregnancy. Which would weigh me in at 340 lbs. total after birth. In addition to that; I just quit smoking cigarettes.

I am so fat, I have to use a microwave for a pager. I'm so fat when I sit around the house, I sit arrooouunnd the house. I'm so fat, when I needed a new belt I had to shop at the planet Saturn. I have more chins than a chinese phonebook. The back of my neck looks like a pack of hot dogs. I got on the scale three days ago and it said: to be continued. I'm not kidding, when I got baptized it had to be at Sea world. My stomach is so wide that you're gonna have to take the cross town bus with three transfers just to get on my good side. I cut myself shaving and gravy came out.

I quit smoking on Thursday January 15th, 2009, and you guessed it: I am eating everything in sight. I am on a sea food diet, everytime I see food, I eat it, and with a pregnany wife that was known to eat as many cookies at as I ate pills sometimes, (I love you Shmoo), we are some big time, strate up, hard core snackers. We get snacks, to go on the trip, to get more snacks. You should hear my winter coat when we go to the movies, we sound suspect. I counted what I had becuz it was funny to me; I had six boxes of candy, two sodas, and the chocolate section of my coat, that was my secondary snack, after my pimary snack of chocolate milk and donuts. I feel like someone should call Doctor Drew and Intervention everytime both of us go to the grocery store.

No, don't pay any attention to me. I am just making light of the fact that I am now actually having fat days where my clothes don't fit right, and it sucks. My 42x32 are getting very snug nowadays but I really can't complain, I have to admit this is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life.